American Horror Story is back — and maybe this is premature , but right away I ’m thinking this might be the serious season yet . Thank good for witches , New Orleans , lewd subject matter , and Jessica Lange . This was a very , very practiced way of life to begin the third season .
Once again , this show is starting over , this time in the present solar day . It ’s all unexampled , new fictitious character , novel location — and a Modern repugnance figure to slit open , crack asunder and then desecrate its carcass by having sex on it . This time it ’s WITCHES , BITCHES .
We start off mightily away with show newcomer Kathy Bates playing the very literal beldam Madame LaLaurie . This … this make me nervous . LaLaurie was a bad , bad , bad , bad cleaning lady . A risky cleaning lady . Yes , she lived in New Orleans . Yes , Nic Cage bought her house . And yes , she cruelly torture all of her slave ( often killing them and burying the bodies them in the backyard ) . So yes , the fact that she ’s become an AHS character have me really , really flighty . Not two minutes have passed during the series premiere , before we ’re sent to LaLaurie ’s loft to see her world of horror .
To say that AHS ’ handling of thraldom is disrespectful would be a monolithic understatement . But this is n’t the first metre the series has grotesquely manipulate “ hands off ” subject affair . The first season charmed most of Tumblr with Kit the SURPRISE high - shoal shooter . And last year , we watched a nun suffer her virginity while possessed by a demon . No one is arguing that AHS tackle these taboo issues fitly — but the show did so with such abandon and flair you could n’t help but peep between your fingers to keep an eye on . I ’m not majestic of it , but I ’m exit to watch it .
But here we are , make out with rape and slavery in the very first episode . It ’s a good deal . And I still do n’t know how I feel about it , but I do love that I had to rend my jaw off the floor at the bounteous last reveal . So AHS one , modernistic decency zero .
Moving on . Kathy Bates . Oh my goodness Kathy Bates . Too long has it been since I ’ve been privy to a good Kathy Bates - ing . And boy howdy , there is snuff it to be a shitload of scenery - chewing this class . The serial publication opens with LaLaurie trying to peddle her girl off to the eligible bachelors of the demesne . Meanwhile pass over her boldness with fresh stemma , and being generally cruel . I did n’t consider I could get more aroused about this casting , until Angela Bassett showed up and lean away with this flashback , with one “ Hey bitch ” look . Magnificent , both of these cleaning lady .
Sidenote : Bassett ’s fictitious character , Marie Laveau , is also a very real human who be back in the day . And the cherry on top ? We get to play with these two noblewoman in MODERN DAY . When Jessica Lange dug up the still very much animated LaLaurie , I almost passed out . SO RIDICULOUS . SO OVER THE TOP . SO IN . IN IN IN IN IN IN IN . Just do n’t try and get me to empathize with this cruddy murderous monster . Even though we know you will try , AHS , we have sex you will try .
And that ’s all I have to say about the past . So now , to the present . Zing Zang Zoom — the girl formerly bonk to me as Violet is now Zoe , and her vagina kills her boyfriend . It ’s like the first X - Men Rogue scene , only with death and insight .
Enter Frances Conroy , cosplaying as Tim Burton ’s Mad Hatter . And one , two , three , we ’re off to school . I fuck how one , they take a train because of trend they take a train — this is American Horror Story . And two , how rapidly this is progressing to the plot of ground heart and soul , getting all these ladies in one big , beautiful sign .
aboveboard , I ’m not feeling all the lady friend together just yet . This grouping does n’t mousse . I fuck that ’s probably the percentage point , but they do n’t even gel as fiber who do n’t like each other . It ’s very disjointed not in a good way . Also , it ’s very unfortunate that all of Gabourey Sidibe ’s lines start with “ girl ” or something similar . Also Matillda … woof , sweetie , take it down a mountain pass . These ladies do n’t have me yet . However on an individual basis , they are all outstanding .
So Zoe ( and her magic hoo - ha ) is sent away to magical boarding camp , and because we need to stick in sexual urge and repulsion right away , Zoe and Matilda go to a fraternity party . Where they run into the cutest frat mouse to ever escape the Nimh skill labs and join Tulane University . We make out you Kit , Tate , Kyle — whatever your name is this time .
We ’re moments into the political party when Matilda gets pack dishonour . It ’s all oh so very AHS — and pitiful , and rank . But mostly glaring . And then Matllida does this :
And that was fucking rad . I love the mild feeling of it . But too bad , the Frat Mouse is dead . And Zoe gets her retaliation by giving the loss leader of the Brassica napus pack a ready to hand ( thanks for demonstrate that , AHS , I was really upset about how this youthful girl was run low to get the comatose male child hard — the Devil is in the hand - caper details ) .
snub to the adult and the star of the Jessica Lange show — Jessica Lange . You see , if you did n’t already know , she is the supreme witch . Which mean she pass her days sucking the life out of people , doing blow , listening to classic rock and star at herself in the mirror . Would n’t you , if you were Jessica Lange ? Her girl , the amazing Sarah Paulson , is the psyche beldame of the witch schooling . But not for long — because Mommy is back to show everyone how to be a real , real enchantress not some pacified baby beldame and say things like , “ Do n’t make me deteriorate a planetary house on you . ” It ’s good to have this woman back in my life .
presage :
And that ’s it . Next week , it look like the two witch girl FRANKENSTEIN the fraternity computer mouse — and fingers crossed , we get more from Lily Rabe presently . Because she is also the good . So happy this show is baaaaaack !
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